I love it when The Onion does horse racing. Mind you, this reads as though they’ve been following the New York Times coverage…
LOUISVILLE, KY—Shaken and trembling Kentucky Derby winner I’ll Have Another, who came from behind and outside on the final turn to win the Kentucky Derby in a breathtaking display of speed and panic, is reportedly hoping that nothing like the 1-1/4-mile race ever happens to him again.
“What just—what in the hell was that?” the chestnut colt asked reporters shortly after crossing the wire Saturday to beat odds-on favorite Bodemeister by one and a half lengths and finish in a respectable 2:01.83. “Seriously, with all the screaming, and everyone running, and [jockey] Mario [Gutierrez] standing up out of the saddle, I pretty much lost it. That was, without a doubt, the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life.”
Although it would end in victory and horror, the day started quietly enough for I’ll Have Another, with a brisk walk around Churchill Downs’ scenic paddock. But as the afternoon wore on, things became “extremely weird” for the young horse.
Read on here.